What's up bitches! Guess who is 21?! Oh, that's right it's me. The agenda for this birthday weekend includes Vegas and strippers, and I must say I am pretty excited about it.
But let's just say someone I know is going to have a very sober 21st birthday. And why is that? Let's just say that that someone found out two days before their birthday that they are pregnant, and not only are they pregnant, they are eight months pregnant. EIGHT FREAKING MONTHS.
I apparently don't know where babies come from.
And apparently I can be blissfully ignorant about things that are kind of really important.
I have no idea how I missed the fact that there is a small fry growing in my womb, but I am kind of super thankful that I work so much and that I haven't had time to go do anything stupid, but I went to the doctors, which is a huge phobia of mine, because I have been feeling kind of odd lately, and figured I should do the adult thing and take care of myself.
So, I go in the back room, get asked to pee in a cup. No big deal. But then hey, "It looks like you're pregnant." Wait what? That requires sex, and it has been quite a while since I was in a relationship, none-the-less any of THAT nonsense, and I got an IUD in last January. Nope. Not possible, I would have noticed something. So what do they do, pull out the in office ultrasound machine. And POOF!! Baby. Or as my doctor said with a huge smile on his face, "It looks like there is a not so little baby in there! I'd guess you could be due anywhere in the next month or two!" WHAT. WHAT THE ACTUAL F---. Okay, I didn't really say that, but I did say "Holy shit, are you serious?" Yeah.
Well as I am sitting there in shock over this news, my doctors is happily going on about how I should schedule an appointment with him next week and that we'll start checking to see if I'm dilated then and that he'll set me up an ultrasound appointment for the next day (yesterday). So I'm sitting there nodding and thinking "Oh sweet baby Jesus I have to tell my parents. And my boss. They are going to MURDER me. MUUUUUUUUUURDER."
But alas, I did tell them. And they all seemed okay, in shock, but okay. And after taking a nap with the martian I was okay too.
You know, I don't know how I was so delusional for so long. I had noticed that I had been getting rounder, and I just chalked it up to bad genes, the fact that I eat really shitty at work, and that I eat a ton right before I go to sleep in the morning. I also have been popping TUMS like crazy the past couple of months because of heartburn, which should have been a red flag right there because I have only ever had heartburn while I was pregnant with the martian. And of course, I have felt movement, but I once again chalked it up to a bad diet, bad sleep patterns, and phantom kicks. Yes, I am just that stupid.
So yesterday afternoon I had a real ultrasound appointment. And yep. BABY. Not a dinosaur, or an alien, or a puppy. There is a baby. With a penis. Ladies and gentleman I am having another baby boy! Yeah, I kind of wanted it to be a girl since I have a little boy, but this makes my DRASTICALLY shortened prep time soooooooooooooo much easier! Not only did we find out that it's a little boy, but it also appears that he has hair, and that everything looks good! Hooray! Also, we could not see a piece of plastic anywhere, so apparently somewhere in the last year it fell out and I hadn't noticed. Thank God. I've heard horror stories, and I was pretty freaked out. Most importantly, we learned that baby boy's approximate due date is January 23rd.
I knew this upcoming year was going to be crazy, but I had no idea that it was going to start off with quite a bang!
Now that this has gotten quite lengthy, I hope you have a great day, I know I will!
xx
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